Communication can be very tricky!!
You begin with all good intentions at heart but with the wrong choice of words, what was meant to be an interaction to sort a problem or to express your feelings, turns into a battlefield!
One such example of wrong choice of words, is the use of ‘YOU’ statements,
“ YOU make me angry. YOU don’t want me. YOU are so unhelpful. YOU care only about your work and friends. YOU don’t understand me.”
For a moment consider yourself at the receiving end of these statements.
How do you feel?
Blamed?
Accused?
Attacked?
Certainly, these words will hurt like bullets shot right across you heart.
And in reaction you are likely to get angry or defensive!
Using the ‘I’ statements instead, can help to minimize the escalation & argumentation.
Here, the focus
Is drawn to how you are feeling.
Specifying the behaviour of the other person clearly, without any blame.
Also, describing how it is impacting you.
And making your needs, requests, expectations more explicit.
This will seem less threatening for the other person and will elicit a desirable response.
Studies have shown that ‘I’ statements reduce hostility and defensiveness.
And as a you begin to reform your communication with the usage of ‘I’ statements, remember to be consistent with it ..as .....consistency always pays off!
(P.N: Apart from the choice of words being mindful of the tone of your voice, volume etc can also go a long way!)
“ Communication is the lifeline of any relationship”
-Elizabeth Bourgeret.